Sunday March 30th

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This week in “things the media hopes you don’t notice,” the U.S. economy quietly outperformed expectations—growing 2.4% last quarter—while average Americans are getting their cars repo’d at 2009 levels. Translation: Wall Street’s doing just fine, Main Street’s hiding the Camry in the garage. Meanwhile, Dems are so confident in their 2028 prospects, they rejected Joe Biden’s offer to help “turn the party around”... probably because it’s hard to turn anything when you’re asleep at the wheel.

Also in the mix: NPR finally admitted Hunter’s laptop wasn’t Russian fan fiction, HHS is firing 10,000 people, and Trump is demanding justice after yet another Obama-picked judge shows up to target conservatives.

We sadly lost a trailblazer. RIP to Mia Love, the first Black Republican woman in Congress. A true American original.

Ever wonder what you’d do if you had full control of America for just one day?

No bureaucrats. No lobbyists. No “fact-checkers” from Brooklyn telling you that 2+2 might equal 5.

Just you, the Constitution, and a pen that actually works.

We’re talking executive orders, big moves, legacy-defining decisions—the kind of stuff that would make the Founding Fathers proud.

So here’s your moment, Commander-in-Chief-for-a-Day…

What’s the one thing you’d do to steer this country back on course?

Cast your vote below.

Todays Mood:

The Rundown This Week:

Trump to EU & Canada: Try Us, and We’ll Tariff You into Next Tuesday

In a very not-subtle morning post (because subtlety is for career politicians), Trump basically told the EU and Canada: mess around and find out. After already hitting foreign-made cars with a spicy 25% tariff, The Don warned that if our "allies" try to tank the U.S. economy, they'll be staring down even bigger tariffs. The EU’s April Fools’ gift? Retaliatory duties on American goods. Joke’s on them—Trump’s playing 4D trade chess while they’re still using Monopoly money.

California Rolls Out ‘Speeding While Broke’ Discount Program

Good news for broke speed demons: if you’re flying down San Francisco streets but your bank account is on life support, California’s got your back. The city just launched 33 speed cameras—and under a shiny new equity-first policy, low-income drivers get 50% off their fines. Because apparently, if you can’t afford to follow the law, you only have to half-follow it. Critics are calling it a “woke penalty loophole,” but hey, in Gavin’s California, crime does pay—as long as you claim you’re too poor to cover the ticket.

23andMe Files for Bankruptcy—Your DNA Might Be for Sale (Again)

Congrats, your spit might now be a hot asset in bankruptcy court. Genetic test darling-turned-data dumpster fire 23andMe just filed for Chapter 11, and co-founder Anne Wojcicki jumped ship faster than Biden from a press conference. While the company insists it's "business as usual," California’s AG is urging customers to delete their genetic data before it ends up on eBay or—worse—inside a Chinese lab. Moral of the story? Maybe don’t hand over your DNA to a woke tech startup backed by Big Data royalty.

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Red, White & Move: America’s Most Patriotic Suburb Is Now the Hottest Zip Code

Apparently, you can put a price on freedom—and it comes with a picket fence and a flagpole. Summerville, South Carolina just claimed the title of “most in-demand suburb” of 2025, and it’s not hard to see why. Think Norman Rockwell meets bald eagle fan club. While woke cities push drag story hours and $12 oat milk lattes, families are flocking to this Stars-and-Stripes paradise for good schools, elbow room, and a community that still believes the Fourth of July isn’t just about fireworks—it's a lifestyle.

MAGA-Hating Karen Tries to Steal Hat, Gets Body-Slammed by Gravity Instead

One New York Karen learned the hard way that messing with a MAGA hat comes with consequences—namely, face-planting in front of half of Manhattan. After screeching “racist” at a complete stranger for daring to wear a red hat, she attempted a high-speed snatch-and-run that ended with her eating concrete on the subway platform. The internet quickly dubbed it “instant karma,” and frankly, it’s the most New York justice system we’ve seen all week. Trump: 1, Tolerant Left: 0.

What Else You Might’ve Missed:

Retirees Ditch Florida for... Dubai? Sunshine, Safety, and No Woke HOA Meetings

Turns out, America’s retirees are done with hurricanes, HOA fees, and screaming at the neighbor’s gender studies major. Instead, they’re packing up and heading to—wait for it—Dubai. Yep, the land of luxury malls, zero income tax, and shockingly low crime is now rolling out the red carpet for expats over 55. Florida still has gators and early-bird specials, but Dubai offers sunshine without the socialist city councils. Who knew the American Dream would require a passport?

Mess with a Tesla, Get the Tape: Elon’s Cars Now Snitch Harder Than CNN

In a world where keying a Tesla counts as "activism," Elon Musk said “nah” and armed his cars with Sentry Mode—a futuristic snitch system that records you mid-crime and basically dares you to go viral. As left-wing vandals take aim at anything Musk touches, Teslas are now fighting back with flashing lights, blaring alarms, and a dashboard message that screams: Smile, you’re being uploaded to X. It’s like having a MAGA guard dog… that runs on lithium.

Flyover No More: Milwaukee Home Prices Skyrocket While Coastal Elites Blink in Disbelief

While San Francisco realtors cry into their $9 kombucha, Milwaukee just pulled a power move—posting the fastest-risinghome prices in the entire country. Yep, the beer-and-brats capital saw a jaw-dropping 20% year-over-year surge, proving that Americans are done paying a fortune to live next to drug dens and Whole Foods. The Midwest is booming, folks—and Milwaukee’s showing you can still have a yard, a job, and neighbors who don’t scream about “climate justice” at the HOA meeting.

Wells Fargo: Housing Market’s Giving 2008 Vibes—Minus the Full-Blown Collapse (So Far)

Wells Fargo just sounded the alarm with all the subtlety of a fire drill—home sales are now crawling at post-2008 levels. But don’t panic (yet): unlike the Great Recession, the economy’s not in freefall, and your neighbor’s not trying to short-sell his lawnmower. The real problem? Sky-high prices + mortgage rates that slap harder than a Pelosi press conference. Buyers are stuck watching Zillow listings like it’s a sad reality show—except no one’s getting a rose or a mortgage.

Publix Accused of Giving Pork a Plus-Size Price Tag at Self-Checkout

Looks like your grocery bill isn’t the only thing getting heavier—according to a new lawsuit, Publix might be padding the scales at self-checkout. A Florida shopper claims the store’s machines are sneakily inflating the weight of meats and cheeses, turning $14 pork into a $20 surprise. The alleged scheme? Blame the robot, not the butcher. Because nothing says “customer loyalty” like charging you filet mignon prices for bologna.

3 Events That Could Impact Your Wallet Next Week: 🗓️

Closing Thoughts:

You Can't Wave the Flag With One Hand and Shop China With the Other

Here’s a wild idea: If we want to actually be pro-America, maybe we stop sending our manufacturing jobs to a country that’s literally building missiles pointed at us.

For decades, both parties played footsie with China while selling us the fairy tale that global trade would bring world peace and cheaper iPhones. Cute. Meanwhile, our supply chains now rely on a communist regime that censors its own citizens, locks up dissidents, and—small detail—makes 90% of our critical pharmaceuticals.

And let’s be honest: when COVID hit, Americans learned the hard way what "Made in China" really means—empty shelves, zero PPE, and “supply chain disruption” becoming the most overused excuse since “my dog ate my homework.”

Trump understood this before it was trendy. He called out the rigged trade deals, slapped tariffs where it hurt, and dared to say the quiet part out loud: We can’t build a strong nation on outsourced labor and imported dependence.

Want a thriving middle class again? Bring back the jobs. Want economic security? Make our own medicine. Want fewer fires to put out when China cuts off a supply line? Stop building our future in Beijing’s backyard.

American supply chains = American strength. That’s not nationalism—it’s common sense. And if that offends someone, they can take it up with the next cargo ship stuck off the coast of California.