Sunday April 20th

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We start this week on a somber note. Our thoughts are with the families and community impacted by the tragic incident at Florida State University. No punchline here—just heartbreak.

Now, onto the chaos:

Texas—because it wasn’t already dealing with enough—got rattled by earthquakes. Not metaphorically. Actual earthquakes. Meanwhile, President Trump made headlines by threatening to walk away from peace talks unless the Russia-Ukraine mess gets real solutions—not more UN speeches and EU virtue signals.

On Wall Street, billionaire Bill Ackman found a new toy: Hertz. Yes, the rental car company that most of us forgot existed. After his investment, the stock shot up over 100%. Apparently, nostalgia is back in style... or investors just ran out of things to bet on.

In the courtroom, a federal judge ruled that Google is running an illegal monopoly in online advertising. Shocking—if you’ve been living under a rock for the last 15 years.

Meanwhile, gold quietly hit $3,300, proving once again that when everything else is chaos, real value doesn’t come from printing presses—it comes from precious metals.

And speaking of domination, SpaceX and its partners just became frontrunners in building part of Trump’s Golden Dome Project. If you thought the border wall triggered people, wait until they hear about a space dome stamped Made in America.

Oh, and one more twist for the conspiracy files: Did Blue Origin actually go to space this week… or just stage a very expensive episode of Star Trek: The Taxpayer Edition?

Before we jump further into the madness, we’ve got one question for you. It’s not scientific, but it might be the most honest snapshot of where this country’s really at.

Let’s just say… if you’re frustrated, you’re not alone.

Todays Mood:

The Rundown This Week:

America’s Credit Score Just Flinched—Should We Be Concerned?

In the latest episode of “How Broke Are We?”, the average U.S. FICO score dropped from 717 to 715—the biggest one-year fall since the 2008 financial faceplant. Sure, two points doesn’t sound like much, but when experts call it a red flag, they’re not talking about a MAGA rally. It’s a warning sign that household finances across America are starting to crack. Rising debt, shrinking savings, and inflation that eats paychecks for breakfast—this ain’t just a number. It’s a snapshot of the financial stress hitting Main Street while Washington keeps pretending everything’s fine.

Trump’s New Border Plan: Cash, a Plane Ticket, and a One-Way Exit

In classic Trump fashion, the former president has unveiled a “self-deportation” strategy that’s equal parts bold and practical. The pitch? If you’re in the U.S. illegally, you can take the money and the flight—literally. Trump’s plan offers cash and a plane ticket to those willing to voluntarily return home, starting with the worst offenders (“murderers out first,” as he put it). For the rest, he’s open to a path back in—if they’re deemed the kind of people who help build America, not burn it down. Critics are already melting down, but let’s be honest: This is the first immigration plan in years that might actually reduce border chaos and airline overbooking.

Meet “Mississippi Musk”: $400M in Government Waste… Found, Not Spent

Mississippi’s state auditor just dropped a $400 million truth bomb—apparently, that’s how much taxpayer money has been wasted across the state in recent years. Shad White, now dubbing himself “Mississippi Musk,” says his team runs the MOGE (Mississippi Office of Government Efficiency), a tongue-in-cheek nod to Trump’s federal DOGE unit. While D.C. sets money on fire with style, White’s crew is trying to plug the holes before the whole ship sinks. Bottom line: if your state’s government feels as efficient as a DMV on dial-up, you’re probably not wrong.

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Sam’s Club Ditches Self-Checkout… for Surveillance Checkout

In a bold move no one asked for, Sam’s Club is yanking self-checkout kiosks from all 600 of its stores—and replacing them with something even more dystopian. Enter: “Scan & Go,” the new AI-powered system that lets you skip the line and just walk out… while a network of cameras, sensors, and probably a few NSA interns track your every move. The Walmart-owned chain says it’s for “convenience,” but customers are wondering when grocery runs turned into Black Mirror episodes. On the plus side, at least the robots won’t ask if you found everything okay.

Social Security Gets a Fraud Filter—Finally

After a heads-up from Elon Musk (because apparently he runs quality control now), the Social Security Administrationis finally cracking down on phone-based fraud. The agency rolled out new anti-scam tech that flags “suspicious activity” on claim calls—and yes, if your call smells fishy, you’ll be asked to prove you exist... in person. It’s like TSA, but for your retirement check. Good news: scammers might finally get screened. Bad news: you might too, especially if you still use a landline or forget your own ZIP code.

What Else You Might’ve Missed:

Judge Strikes Down Biden’s $8 Late Fee Fantasy

A federal judge just shredded one of Biden’s big “help the little guy” ideas—overturning the rule that capped credit card late fees at $8. The CFPB’s feel-good policy was tossed as illegal, meaning banks can now return to charging you like it’s 2007 if you miss a payment. Critics say it’s a win for personal responsibility. Supporters say it’s a loss for anyone who occasionally forgets what day it is. Either way, Biden’s dream of being the Late Fee Slayer just hit a hard limit.

United Cancels Your Vacation Before the Economy Does

United Airlines just announced it’s cutting domestic flights by 4% because Americans are apparently more into tightening budgets than booking beach getaways. The move comes as recession worries creep back into the spotlight, leaving fewer options and likely higher prices for travelers who just wanted to escape inflation for a weekend. So if you were dreaming of a stress-free summer trip, buckle up—because even the flights are bailing on us now.

Want to Start a Family? Apparently, Naperville’s Got It All (Minus Chicago’s Chaos)

According to real estate experts and a fresh ranking from Niche, Naperville, Illinois just snagged the crown as America’s top city for starting a family. Tucked outside of Chicago—but far enough to dodge the crime stats—Naperville boasts A+ public schools, a strong job market, affordable housing, and enough parks to keep the kids (and your sanity) intact. The study looked at crime, cost of living, and amenities, but let’s be real—the biggest win here is finding a zip code where your kids can actually learn something that doesn’t involve TikTok or CRT.

CNN Calls Accused Killer a “Morally Good Man”… and America Says, “Come Again?”

CNN is catching heat—and not the good kind—after airing a segment where influencer-turned-sympathy spokesperson Taylor Lorenz defended accused murderer Luigi Mangione as having a legion of "adoring fans" and being a “morally good man.” Yes, seriously. Mangione is currently on trial for the assassination of a healthcare CEO, but apparently that didn’t stop CNN from polishing his image like he’s auditioning for a redemption arc on Netflix. Critics (read: anyone with a pulse) called the segment tone-deaf at best, deranged at worst. Journalism in 2025: where murder charges are just a misunderstood vibe.

Joe Rogan Learns Your Kitchen Might Be Trying to Kill You

On a recent episode of The Joe Rogan Experience, America’s favorite UFC commentator-turned-health-conspiracy referee looked visibly shaken as wellness guru Gary Brecka dropped a greasy truth bomb: your cooking oils might be melting your brain. Brecka called out seed oils like canola, sunflower, and corn as “industrial byproducts” loaded with neurotoxins and carcinogens—basically liquid evil disguised as something to fry your eggs in. Rogan called it “so vile,” and honestly, we agree. Turns out the real silent killer isn’t sugar or stress—it’s your pantry.

JK Rowling Scores a Win as Supreme Court Says 'Woman' Means… Woman

JK Rowling just got her Patronus moment in real life after the UK’s Supreme Court ruled that "woman" means biological woman—not self-declared gender identity. The landmark ruling clarifies that terms like “sex” in the Equality Act refer to biology, not feelings, sending shockwaves through the legal and activist worlds. Gender-critical campaigners are calling it a major win for common sense, while Rowling says it’s a long-overdue protection for the rights of women and girls. Critics? Already melting faster than a snowflake at a free speech rally.

3 Events That Could Impact Your Wallet Next Week: 🗓️

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Closing Thoughts:

What’s More Stable: Gold, Bitcoin, or Government Promises?

Pick two. Just kidding. You can’t.

Let’s play a little game called “Which One Would You Bet Your Future On?”

Option A: Gold – the shiny yellow metal that’s been trusted for 5,000 years by everyone from pharaohs to preppers.

Option B: Bitcoin – the digital gold beloved by tech bros and Twitter CEOs who think the dollar is a boomer meme.

Option C: Government promises – you know, the same ones that brought you $34 trillion in national debt, 8.5% inflation, and “don’t worry, Social Security will be fine.”

Tough choice, right?

Here’s the reality: America’s financial foundation is starting to look like a Jenga tower built on a California fault line. And yet, we’re told everything’s under control—by the same people who couldn’t balance a checkbook if it came with training wheels.

Gold? It’s been around longer than fiat currency and bad political takes. It doesn’t default, doesn’t tweet, and doesn’t get devalued every time someone in D.C. wants to “stimulate the economy.”

Bitcoin? High-risk, high-reward, and probably banned in half the countries you can’t find on a map. But hey—it’s decentralized and at least pretends to have a limit on how much can exist. Unlike… you know, the Fed.

Government promises? Let’s see:

• “Inflation is transitory.”

• “We’ll never raise taxes on the middle class.”

• “This spending bill will actually reduce the deficit.”
  Forgive us if we’re not putting that in the "safe bet" column.

Here’s the kicker: all three options have flaws. But only one has 5,000 years of receipts, has outlived every empire that thought it could print its way out of trouble, and can’t be inflated by a click of a mouse. (Spoiler: It’s gold.)

So next time someone asks what backs the dollar in 2025, tell them the truth, and maybe start thinking about backing your own future with something that isn’t one bad election away from collapse.